The Diary: Cancer Will Not Win. Chapter 5: Aftermath

I woke up to unfamiliar surroundings.

I heard someone talking next to me, but didn't really process what they said. I aksed for my husband, because it was a little scary, waking up somewhere like that. Everything felt super foggy, like I was in a dream.

I felt something tugging on my hand. Tha cannula? But it was on the other side.

I slowly started to become more aware of my surroundings, and the nurse asked if I felt okay. I mumbled something that sounded like "yes" to myself, but I guess it was clearer to her.

I was taken to a chair in the post op holding section, where they brought me coffee and food - finally. I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before.

I asked again for my husband. They told me they would be calling him shortly to pick me up. I stayed in the chair, looking around, still feeling very foggy and tired, but okay otherwise.

There was no pain. I was still numb from the surgery, but I just wanted to sleep.

C, my husband, arrived and they asked him to fill out some paperwork, and then told me I could go home.

I was still so tired that I slept for most of the ride home.

We arrived home and C took me to bed, where I stayed, and slept for a lot of the day. He brought in some water and very light snacks like my favourite jelly, from time to time.

The rest of that day was much of the same.

The day after surgery I felt more awake, but still fatigued. I slept a lot again, in and out, and ate a little more. I was exhausted and my body just wanted to heal.

I was told not to get out of bed, so I didn't.

The third day, I felt more awake. I didn't sleep as much, but I was bored having to remain in bed. I had been given a small pillow, kind of like a neck pillow for long flights, to hold under my arm and keep pressure on both incisions. It made things more comfortable, easier to bear, and also stopped me from overextending my arm and pulling the inicisions apart.

The next few days I was fairly sore, and still tired. For a lot of the week post surgery, I still felt numb in a lot of places. I guess the anaesthesia did it's job well.

I managed to get up and moving at some point during the week, I was too restless to stay in bed for a whole week anyway. It felt better, but still sequestered to the house until the post op appointment.

The 30th came, and with it, my post op.

Dr Park was happy with the progress, though still swollen, he said the wounds were healing well.

We were told that the tumour was 28 x 25mm - which is good, considering some of the previous imaging had shown larger.

They took two of my lymph nodes for testing, which also came back negative, even better news.

He made referrals to a medical and radiation oncologist, so that we can work out what the next steps for treatment are.

Towards the end of the appointment, Dr Park asked a question that I'm still racking my brains to answer.

"If the genetics come back negative, is a mastectomy something you'd like to persue to prevent further cancer?"

He sent us on our way after booking a follow up for six months time.

After this, we waited a little while longer to find out about the genetic testing we had done. I received a call and an appointment was made to discuss the results on January 5th.

I waited for the call, anxious to hear what was happening, both for my own sake and that of my family.

I was told that there were no genetic markers that suggest would have caused inherited cancer - a sigh of relief for family, but also a pause.

What was it then?

Dr Wilding stated that I was considered to be among the lowest risk of the population - and that they wouldn't be able to determine a cause.

What? It was a lottery and I got the random chance? Wow.

That news didn't upset me - I was happy that it wasn't inherited. My bio female siblings will need to keep up to date on their scans just to be safe, but at least there is no further issues there.

I was frustrated though.

Why? What did I do wrong?

Its so crazy to think that you could do everything, live a normal life, as normal as you can, and still this happens.

But really, there isn't anything you can do, right?

Next: Chapter 6: All At Once.